T.R. Knight Leaving “Grey’s Anatomy”?

This just doesn’t make sense to me.

Probably because in my mind, I always compared this show in a way to “Friends”. I couldn’t imagine after the 4th season of the show, Matt LeBlanc saying that he would like to leave the show.

But I guess that’s not an accurate characterization of why T.R. Knight, or as I will always think of him… George O’Malley, wants off the show. He is stating that he has not been able to “act”. Well, for the 5th season, true… he has only gotten like 16 minutes of airtime on the series so far this season.

Yeah. That’s a bummer.

But, keep this in mind. Justin Chambers, who plays Dr. Alex Karev, has been in the backseat of this show for soooo long while T.R. Knight was getting more screen time.

His character has been developed… T.R.’s. Justin’s has not and it’s time that T.R. takes a cue from Justin and allows the other actor’s characters to be explored.

In the meantime, if he wants to do movies and/or other projects, talk to the producers/creator. Katherine Heigl and Patrick Dempsey both have done some projects while still employed at “Grey’s Anatomy”.

My hunch is that with all the reports out there about T.R. wanting to leave the show, it’s not simply about not being able to “act”. It’s something more. It’s gotta be.

Well, if he leaves, I will miss George O’Malley. One would hope that he would ATLEAST agree to make a cameo from time to time… and also be a part of the SERIES FINALE.

One would hope. But to be honest, I’m a little disgusted with him right now. As my earlier analogy went… none of the “Friends” stars broke up… why is it that we are about to lose one of the first 5 interns of the show?

Disappointing.

Yes, I Voted for the Corrupt Rod Blagojevich

I feel dirty, disgusted and used.

I went into the booth in 2006 and voted for Rod Blagojevich for my democratic governor and I defended him to folks around me who said he was corrupt and one individual even personally said, “He’s a weasel!”.

Well, I was wrong. The Governor was able to seduce me into voting for him despite all of the talk that he was frought with corruption even back then.

You may be thinking that I’m a straight democratic ticket voter and you’d be wrong in most cases, but in 2006, you would have been right. I was one of those pissed off Americans who were not happy with the way things were going and you were NOT going to get me to vote Republican.

I have indeed voted Republican before and I won’t rule it out in the future. If there is anything that I’ve learned from this “weasel” Blagojevich it’s that just because someone has a D or and R next to their title, it doesn’t make them one of the good guys.

The good guys are the ones that truly do their job with the people’s interest in mind.

Sidebar – I don’t like how everyone is ganging up on Chicago right now. How dare you. While Chicago has given us some corruption, there are some damn good folks up there working FOR the people. There’s no need to trash ALL politics that are going on in the windy city.

Don’t You Dare Diss My “Grey’s Anatomy”

ABC, Thursday nights at 9/8c, the absolute best TV show to hit the airwaves is on. I hope your catching it and enjoying the drama unfold.

Critics are all over this show all the time and if you listen to them you’d think that this show is over. That special spark is gone, but the truth of the matter is perhaps for newer viewers the show might not be as fun to watch for those of us who have stuck around from episode 1.

This show depends on viewers who have been an avid fan from the beginning. This is the most realistic portrayal, in my opinion, of real life. This show does not just make storylines disappear, they return when you least expect it. So a plotpoint that came up in Season 1 – Episode 5 may come back now… that’s just remarkable television in my mind.

It may make for a bore if you haven’t kept up with it. “The West Wing” was fantastic at doing this as well.

So with that all said next time you see a critic bash my show, you have the right to turn the channel or tear up the magazine.

Season 5 is sad to me. Makes me realize that there is only about 2 and half more seasons left in this incredible show. Here are some of the most interesting notes to mention about this season:

*Dr. Owen and Christina – So excited to see where this goes. (I still miss Christina and Burke)

*Izzie, Alex & Denny – From like episode three of season 1, I thought the best pairing on the show would be Alex and Izzie rather than Derek (AKA McDreamy) and Merideth. I just always thought they had a special spark that should be explored and while I watched there storyline unfold, Derek and Merideth’s relationship was a shocking, refreshing piece of business. I then strayed away from Alex and Izzie and I’m so glad they are back together.

*Hahn and Torres – I was disappointed that they discontinued the lesbian storyline between Dr. Hahn and Dr. Torres, but not because of the lesbian storyline. It’s because I was such a fan of the character of Dr. Hahn. I think that the professional relationship between her and Christina was just so interesting. Christina trying to outdo herself and Hahn learning how to become a teacher was fascinating.

*George and Lexie – Match made in heaven, really I think so, but I’m disappointed that they are not exploring George’s challenges at being a resident with interns. They briefly showed it early in the season where the interns were stepping all over him and they’ve dropped it right now. They need to focus on George’s character. In the past few episodes they have given him a lot less airtime. Disappointing.

*Chief and Chief – I love Chief Weber and Chief Bailey, awesome characters and they don’t have to do much to make me enjoy their characters. The big chief is struggling with being a #12 hospital and Bailey, who IS this show, is trying her best to help him out and find her place. She’s a wife, a mother and very successful surgeon.

Oh, I could gush more about my show. Am I disappointed with some places where the show has gone… absolutely, but I’m allowed to say that as a committed fan. The best thing about this show is it surprises you when you least expect it, and I LOVE THIS SHOW!

Barack Obama Doesn’t Believe I Should Be Able to Get Married

And you know what? I’m actually okay with this.

Should I feel awful that as a gay man, my country does not afford me the same rights as heterosexual couples in that they can marry and divorce at anytime and any place of their choosing?

Well, yes.

But that’s not the point of this post. My point is that my President Elect, the one that I was proud to cast my vote for, believes that “marriage is between a man and a woman”. But he also strongly believes that this should not be added into our constitution as so many conservatives are hoping to do.

He believes I should be offered the same rights as heterosexual couples and I’m pleased as punch with that.

But as a gay man, don’t you want “marriage”?

Yes and some day I will indeed be offered that right. But right now at this time and moment, I believe in our President Elect’s basic philosophy and if you have been listening to him and studying up on how he plans to govern, you know that rather than divide this great country of ours into red states and blue states, he wants to bring people together for common solutions to everyday problems.

If I have to wait on being afforded my right to marry, but be able to enter into a lawful civil union, I will do this and be proud as a gay man today. If this brings conservatives and liberals together, I will gladly wait to be given the word “marriage”.

I guess what my post is trying to say is that at this moment, I want more healing for our nation and coming together right now. I’m a patient guy and can wait to be afforded my right to marriage, because that’s not as important to me than ending this absolute hatred that conservatives and liberals have for one another.

Never Give Up

I’m not ashamed to say that I suffer from chronic bouts of depression.

Don’t feel sorry for me though because I’m doing a whole lot better than I did a year ago. And the year before that was even worse. And don’t get me started on the previous year before that. The point is I was at a low point in my life and I did something about it and I’m feeling much better. Not great by any means, but I’m hopeful that as the days, months and years go on I will continue to have better days and can steer clear from those dark, horrific days of years past.

We all have our bad days, but for those of us who are familiar with chronic depression, our bad days seem to never end and we are so anxious and petrified about what the future has in store for us. Days just keep getting darker and darker and we isolate ourselves and just want to be by ourselves.

No one can help because no one knows how we feel. We aren’t going to express our feelings because quite frankly, we either feel guilty enough for feeling so pathetic or we just can’t muster up the strength to even utter a word.

This is what chronic depression is for me.

Again, I’m much better now. You should have seen me a few years ago. Well, if you did you probably didn’t know how much I suffered and what was going on in my mind. To be honest with you, I don’t remember half the things that were going on in my mind, except I remember a whole lot of negative thinking towards myself as it relates to low self esteem and who I am and also negative thinking about this world that we live in.

Poor self esteem, poor world view 24/7 for a straight 2 years.

Scary.

But I’m out of that place now. Sure there are days where I feel uncomfortble or anxious, but that’s all part of the human experience. Even the most healthiest of us have these feelings. There are things that we look forward to doing and things that we dread doing. But, in order for us to “live”, we must jump in whole heartedly and give it our all. Even if that all kills us.

With chronic depression the thoughts and feelings of suicide go through your mind. Especially if you are at a low point and have no support system. By support system I don’t mean just friends and family because although you have much love for these people, when you are at your low point they don’t exist as support. In fact, they can make you feel worse. You feel guilt because you believe they know how you feel and you don’t want them to feel bad for you. You just want to leave and be by yourself and not have to deal with anyone or anything.

The thoughts and feelings of suicide did indeed go through my mind at my lowest point, but not in the way your probably thinking. I never would have ended my life, but the thoughts of what it would be like did go through my head quite a bit. One wonders what the after life consists of, if there is such a thing.

At my lowest point though a chain of events occurred that helped me begin to dust myself off and begin the slow journey of getting back up.

I was paralyzed in the basement of my mama’s house one day. I could hear the loud noise and sounds of her TV going on upstairs and I just couldn’t handle things anymore and I worked my body into the most powerful panic attack I had ever felt.

I was paralyzed with fear. I couldn’t even speak as I dropped to the floor and I felt shaky and weak and my limbs (my arms and legs) felt real jittery. I crawled to the shower downstairs and I turned on the water to sort of wake me up and it did nothing. As I stood at the bottom of the stairs, I yelled up at mom and asked her to call me an ambulance.

At that moment, I did not know this was indeed a panic attack. I had panic attacks before, but never as paralyzing as this one. Of course mama was panicked and asked what was going on and I couldn’t even speak as sat at the bottom of the stairs. She coaxed me into getting into her car, which I barely managed to do and we headed to the hospital.

The hospital got me on track with a cocktail of medicine which included an anxiety medication and an anti-depressant and advised me to see a doctor. With the support of my mama, I did indeed begin this oh so crucial step.

As the days turned into a couple of weeks, tragedy struck.

An old friend of mine who left where I lived years ago had died. He had committed suicide and had been pretty bad off into drugs. While I began to feel a bit better, I had to deal with the first major death of my life. But I did and in a way, his death is what helped me continue to pick up the pieces and deal with my life.

I struggled with his death and continued on a couple more weeks and then bam, another death hit in my family. This time my elderly great grandmother who lived a long, very fulfilled life.

These were extremely scary moments in life, but rather than allow these deaths to bury me, I took it as a sign. While we never know exactly when or where we are going to die and/or when the people we most love are going to pass on, we can make a consious effort to live “in the moment” and try to enjoy all of life’s blessings.

It was during this time that I reintroduced myself to religion.

I’m making a concerted effort to not mention either the drugs that I’m currently on or the religion that I have found simply because I think everyone has to find their own path. But, I will leave you with this, in what I hope to be many postings on this subject of depression, although you may feel buried in anxiety and fear and feel you have no way of being able to move forward…

You can. Just put one foot in front of the other and never give up.

I promise you that each day will get better and it will be a struggle your whole life if you deal with chronic depression, but if you just hold on and find the things that most interest in your life and find a purpose, you will have better days. You might not find all the answers your looking for all at once… but if you hold on to life, you’ll find that those answers pop up when you least expect them.

Much love to those dealing with chronic depression and if you ever want to chat about what your going through, please don’t hesitate to get in touch with me. We can chat via text messaging, email or phone. My email address is jdnau@sbcglobal.net.

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Well I’m back.